Wrestling with Worth

My high school freshman son is a wrestler. His Daddy’s sport. One he started in first grade as soon as we moved to Oklahoma. To now be practicing with the varsity team in a state that loves wrestling is an unfolding dream. Many of the boys have their eyes on collegiate wrestling, which has been a hope for my son too.

But, my son is competiting against those who have also wrestled since they were young boys – only at a far greater intensity in terms of tournament participation and year-long engagement. Some of his opponents have already been state-qualifiers, and one in particular a state champ in his weight-class.  Twice this season, which just begun, my son has wrestled this state champ. Both matches ended in my son being pinned after he more or less froze.

Physically, my son is tough and could be competitve against this guy, but what I see happening is a similar struggle to the one our daughter dealt with – only playing out in a totally different way.  For her, like many teens and adults too, comparison takes us to a dark place. We look at someone else and think we don’t measure up. We feel inferior and the longer we camp out on comparing ourselves to others the less worth we feel.

For my son, he was well aware this particular opponent is a state champ. The boy’s stats come up by googling his name, which intimitated my son who clearly knows he doesn’t hold the same succes, record or reputation. Having dwealt on how he compares has gotten into his head and is adversly affecting his wrestling and falsely informing his identity.

He sees himself as less-than and therefore is not free out on the mat. What he needs is not necessarily better skills. What he needs is to remember who he is… in Christ. You may think this is a stretch, but I firmly believe until he rests in his identity being secured in Christ, he won’t be free. He will see himself only according to his performance and in comparison to the other wrestlers. Even matches won will likely continue to not be good enough.

For our daughter, comparison morphed into discontentment and became the thief of all joy.  And until she could see it for what it is she struggled to know her worth.  Her appearance, accomplishments, performance, perfection – none of that could gain her a secure identity, or take it away.  Her identity is secure because of  who Jesus is for her. When she got that – that the God of the universe who created and loves her sees her as perfect, despite her sin and imperfections, she became free. When my son gets this, he will be free to wrestle*.

Does this mean he will beat that state champ? Win more matches?

Not necessarily. But until he is free, he can’t wrestle to the best of his ability and he won’t find joy in the sport he has loved. When he is free, win or lose he can walk off the mat knowing who he is as a wrestler does not define him. His worth is bound up in Christ. There is no more secure an identity than that, and no place he can gain greater confidence. May he, and we all, live free by the power of Christ’s worth and work for us so that how we think about ourselves will be transformed!

*As an addendum – After conversations with his dad and me both on this very topic, by God’s grace my son came back for Day 2 of the tournament and left his heart on the mat and three guys pinned! Though he lost in the finals I already see God moving to help him find freedom in an identity secured in Him.

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