Why I Won’t Say ‘You Look Skinny’

Women – Don’t you love it when someone tells you how skinny you look? Or, perhaps it is your dream to someday receive that compliment.

Men – For you, I think it’s looking buffed. I mean, I’ve seen even my 14-year-old son break out in a huge smile when someone comments on his muscles. 

But be honest (in your own head as you read this), when you look good and are complemented on your looks doesn’t it feed your ego? Do you feel like you are better, prettier or more desirable than someone else if you are skinnier or more toned? Do you feel a sense of pride for maintaining such awesome self-discipline? Do you think your drive or determination make you better than the one who is less motivated or lazy?

Well, this plays into why I no longer want to say, “You look skinny!”  It’s not that I don’t want to compliment you, but I think there are better ways to do it.

In having walked through the valley of eating disorder recovery and weight loss with my daughter, I have seen upclose the tendency of all of us to link our identities to what we look like.  In other words, if we look good, we believe we have greater worth. We think more highly about ourselves and how we think others perceive us. If we think we look bad (or fat) then we feel insignificant and worthless and we assume others view us poorly as well.

When someone is told they look skinny they tend to internalize it in one of two ways -maybe both. The first thought is thinking they should lose more weight, or keep doing what they are doing, so more people will notice and they will receive even more compliments. The second thought is wondering how they were viewed previously. If they now look skinny, did the person complimenting them think they looked bad or fat before?

Both of these thought trains could being going on at the same time, but both are equally harmful because both tie identity to external beauty.

Who you are is not what you look like. But our society has made us think it is even though we say, “It’s what’s in the inside that counts.”  The truth is our worth and value has been given to us by our Creator. The One who declared us wonderfully and fearfully made in His image.

Did you catch that? In His image. And, this is not physical. The image of God we portray is His character, which is why our beauty radiates from the inside out as we reflect the image of God in the way we love, serve and interact with others.

Furthermore, for those who are in Christ we have been given a new identity. When Jesus came as man He took on everything that was bad about us and gave us everything that was good about Him. Now when God looks upon us, He sees the righteousness and perfection of Christ. When we live in light of this reality – knowing we are loved, accepted and worthy – we live more freely. Free of self-consumption and more concerned about the glory of Christ and His beauty in and through us, than focusing on our external flaws.

So by no longer saying, ‘You Look Skinny’ what I’m really trying to say is whether you are skinny or not is insignificant to your worth. Your beauty and value comes from Him alone. If we could only get this through our heads, me included. But this is my start in trying to tear down destructive Thinspiration thoughts.