When Vertigo Puts a Stop to Go

If you are like me the end of summer is always bitter-sweet. On one hand I am never ready to jump back into the crazy schedule that comes with the start of school, while at the same time this year I desperately needed my kids back on their schedules so I could be more productive with my work.

Since the end of June when my kids got back from camp, I’ve somewhat put aside my final editing and revising of the manuscript that is now due next week. Thankfully I had gotten myself to a good temporary stopping point so I could enjoy our vacation and then focus more on the endorsements and marketing for the book coming out in October, as well as church-related things. But of course days have a way of filling up with all the other little things too, like ortho appointments, schedule pick up day, back to school shopping and pool gatherings.  So July turned into August and my manuscript remained unattented, but I knew come school start I would finally be back to it.

Only the Lord had different plans. Terrible timing to come down with vertigo, but that is where He has me. Dazed and drowsy, in bed. But as I’ve laid here still fighting to be productive as much as I can in between snoozes, it hit me that His timing was, oh, so sovereign – with more than just me in mind.

What flashed into my head is the section in Barbara Duguid’s book Extravagant Grace: God’s Glory Displayed in Our WeaknessExtravagant Grace where she raises the issue of how her migraines were not just for her own sanctification, but for the good of her family as well. When she was incapacitated, her family was forced to step up to the plate. They had to die to their own agendas and do things to help out the family. And in doing so their own selfishness and sin was exposed to show them more of their need for Jesus.  So God had more than just her in mind by allowing her headaches.

In relation to me, I have to laugh at the timing not just because my manuscript is due, but because tonight is a women’s church planning meeting that I (the pastor’s wife) now cannot attend. Coincidentally, one of the biggest stressors I carry, even more than my book stuff, is that of our church.

I desperately want others to come be fed by the week in and week out gospel preaching of Jesus, because I know the freedom that comes in “getting” gospel grace. Yet doing church purposefully different than what is culturally trendy and placing it in the suburbs where we are competing against competitive kids’ sports, weekend getaways, busyness, laziness and complacency is challenging. And with a smaller congregation it is easy to feel like the weight of everything we want to see happen falls on us. But it can’t be all on our shoulders, which is why I can’t be the one running the women’s ministry, teaching the Bible study, planning the socials and everything else.  All church members are called to serve the body according to giftedness so my prayer is for others to be so excited about the vision that they run with the various ministries.

I know that seems like a bit of a tangent, but I just can’t help from wondering if it is to the good of the women in our church for me not to be there tonight and vertigo was the means God ordained to put me down?

Along those same lines, I’ve been thinking alot about entitlement with our kids and will definitely write more specifically on that in the near future. But with me down, it creates a need for our family to step up to see where they might can serve, instead of always being served. For their good?!

So perhaps the timing wasn’t so terrible after all. Perhaps it was perfectly orchestrated not just for my good, but for others too? Whatever the case, I know my manuscript will get finished and I see where God is reminding me that I am not in control. I know His ways are best, I just need Him to help me believe that better all the time!