My older son started playing football in 2nd grade soon after we moved to Oklahoma. My younger son started the very next fall as a 1stgrader. In total, we’ve now had football playing boys for thirteen years. During these years, football has been the place our family has made many friends and memories. With just 7 games left for my younger son who is now a senior, this life chapter is rather quickly coming to a close. I would say it’s bittersweet, but sadly nothing about it feels “sweet” right now.
High school football for my sons has not been easy and not just because they’ve both had season-ending injuries. They are both good athletes. In fact, my younger son spent this past summer at various college recruiting camps. He could play at the next level but he’s losing his drive. I don’t blame him. We are a 6A school with the talent to win, and we aren’t. We haven’t had a winning season since my daughter was early in her high school years. For boys who live and breathe football, this is hard.
As a parent who has watched my senior son day in and day out, in season and out of season, pour himself into football and not see team success breaks my heart. To not be able to do anything to change the situation frustrates me to no end. I feel powerless, also resentful that nothing has changed over the six years we’ve had players. I’ve cried over it, yelled about it, lost sleep over it, and continue to have ongoing conversations with other parents experiencing the same thing with their sons on the team.
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Everything in me says our boys deserve to be winners – it’s the end, it’s senior year! My son should be getting the film he needs to play college ball. At another school he would which makes what’s happening even harder.
And yet—as my football-loving husband reminded me last week, none of this is outside of God’s control. Not only is it not outside of God’s control but he has ordered it exactly as it’s supposed to be. From this perspective, the blame shifts beyond coaching to God who has sovereignly placed our coaches at our school at this time. Ugh- it’s not easy to admit, but in essence, my anger and disappointment is rooted in the fact that God hasn’t intervened to change the circumstances. At the same, my only comfort comes in knowing God is in control over all this.
As I’ve been wrestling through and consumed by my emotions the past few weeks, I have felt justified in my frustration. I still do. However, this past Sunday while visiting our daughter’s church in Arkansas, I was confronted with the alternate reality of God’s upside-down kingdom. A kingdom where the poor in spirit, the meek, and those who mourn are blessed. A kingdom where earthly happiness and winning is not only not everything, but actually nothing! A kingdom where losers triumph.
But the thing is, that’s not the kingdom I want here on earth. And yet I know my earthly home is not where my treasure lies. I don’t know about you, but I find it is one thing to say, “Heaven is our home,” and “Jesus is life,” but quite another to peaceably live this out when everything in me wants glory now!
And so Sunday morning as we recited the liturgy – a confession of sin – tears filled my eyes—
Gracious Father, you hear the cries of your people. You are attuned to our pains and fears. You are not indifferent, distant, or apathetic. You are good, and you are love. Nevertheless, we confess that we distrust you and doubt you. Our experience of trials and discomforts causes us to question your care. You promise your presence in suffering but all we really desire is escape and ease. Our idolatries of comfort distort our discipleship. We would want to share in the glory of Jesus but would rather avoid the cross of Jesus. We are distracted by the possibilities or early pleasures rather than seeking first the kingdom of God and its treasures. O Lord, we repent of our failures and faithlessness. Be merciful and help our unbelief.”
Lord, I’m still angry and want something different than what’s happening now. Help me to believe what you have in mind is best for this football season, for my son, for us. Help us endure whatever transpires over the remaining weeks. Help us to savor what is sweet – the camaraderie, the character building, the effort, the good plays, the points we get – and if that includes some wins (and I ask that it would) may we direct all praise and glory to you. But whether it does or doesn’t include wins, may we look beyond a temporal goal post to eternal glory to see that you are for us and in your economy, you are working good in all things.
Like I said, I haven’t arrived at peace in the disappointment of the football season not going how we think it ought. But I do know I have a God who is big enough to handle my complaints and gracious enough to not only bear my emotions but enter into them with me. Because Jesus came and experienced all the suffering and brokenness that we do in this world, he understands how we feel. And he sits with us in, offering to us himself – a man of sorrows, who left his glory in heaven to ensure for us a hope in something so much greater than winning anything in this world could ever provide.
