What’s Right About ‘Bad Moms’

Sometimes I’m a ‘bad mom’… and you may think a ‘bad Christian’ too for going to the newly released, highly popular but raunchy movie: BadMoms.

When I was invited to go with a group of ladies – all moms of one of my son’s friends – I hadn’t even heard of the movie. Not surprising considering I probably average one movie a year.  But I love a Mom’s Night Out, especially on a Saturday night when my pastor-husband is working on his sermon, so I was in.

Before going I did learn from several others who had already seen BadMoms how funny, but totally inappropriate and at times extremely uncomfortable (depending on who you are with) it is. What no one mentioned though was how right on and needed to be heard the overall message of BadMoms is – and I think the reason all of the moms in the theater were roaring… we identified.

I write a lot about teenagers struggling with identity and feeling worthless in comparison to their peers. But it is clear this is not just a teenage problem. We ALL struggle, maybe even especially moms, with not feeling like we are enough or measure up to who we are supposed to be. 

Recently guest blogger and author of Engaging Motherhood, Holly Mackle delved into this topic as it relates to new and young moms (post HERE). If only it stopped there! But more often than not the feeling of being a ‘bad mom’ grows along with our kids. As they get older it seems the more there is to compare… not just in how we are doing as moms, but how our kids fare.

So we compete in every aspect.

• Best birthday parties,
• Cutest cupcakes, 
• Most creative teacher gifts,
• Most involved.
• Most fun mom, Most fit mom, Best dressed mom.
• Best dressed kid,
• Smartest kid,
• Kids with the best project or costume,
• Kids on the best, most competitve teams,
• Kids who are most popular.

It never ends. We are never enough. They are never enough.

So we keep doing more to make ourselves look better. In the pursuit of perfection, we judge (even shame) others as a way of making ourselves feel better about what we are doing right. That’s why for me the two most memorable scenes in the movie occurred when the seemingly have-it-all-together moms remove their masks.

Before continuing: This is your *SPOILER ALERT*

In one scene, moms packed the school cafeteria for the ever so important election of the PTA president. The woman who had served in this role for years prided herself as the model of motherhood and made others feel like failures if they weren’t doing everything she did. Despite instilling such shame in the other ladies, no one had stood up to her, or run against her, out of fear they would be found out as a ‘bad mom.’ Until now.

When the underdog candidate admits her imperfections to the crowd the other women take a collective sigh of relief and begin feeling free to drop their own pretentions. What follows are the honest confessions of moms who have been sinking under the weight of trying to be perfect, beating themselves up for how they have failed and believing they were the only ones. Well, guess what they discover?  They are all in the same boat!

This is the great equalizer. As my husband said in today’s sermon, “God made from one man every man…We are all the same.” So why do we keep pretending otherwise? 

After the incumbant PTA president was ousted by the room of women empowered by her refreshingly less-than-perfect ‘bad mom’ opponent, she finally found the courage to lift her own mask. And what we see underneath the long-maintained guise of perfection is a woman writhing in pain from the brokenness of her own life. But guess what? When she opened up about her own junk, she became human. Now even her worst enemy could identify with her and show compassion and love toward her.

Isn’t that what we all long for? People who know us and love us anyway?!

So I don’t say, “Let’s all be ‘bad moms’ together” as if that’s a badge of pride. Rather, let’s embrace our humanity – weaknesses and sin –  as a reminder that we are all in need of grace from each other and from God. Praise be to him that he freely gives it, even when we are Bad Moms.

More on the masks we wear: I’m Tired of the Masquerade.

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