“No one ate any cake or ice cream!”
“What? Yes, they did. Almost everyone.”
“Well, Mary* didn’t because summer is around the corner. And that’s what Olivia* said too.”
“Ok, so a few people didn’t, but whether they did or didn’t shouldn’t affect you. Besides, it was delicious so they missed out.”
This snippet from a long-ago conversation with my daughter I haven’t forgotten. I guarantee it’s similar to a conversation you’ve had too, maybe with someone or maybe only in your head. Oh I know, the script was different so you might not remember. But have you not also “seen” a false reality that colored your view of the truth?
In our conversation the fact “nobody” had cake or ice cream made my daughter feel less than and judged for eating dessert. But the truth is “nobody” was only a few, but the perceived judgment filled her with shame as if she didn’t measure up to a certain standard. What she “saw” colored her view of the truth.
Maybe for you it was running commentary in your head that went something like this…
“I can’t go out with all those ladies. Have you seen them? They look amazing. No signs of aging, no slowing metabolism for them. Plus, they can go pick up whatever new designer item they want whenever they want to. And I’m still shopping at Target, living on a budget. They are in a different league. I can’t be friends with them.”
Or…
“Everyone around me has such exciting jobs and opportunities. They are all making big impacts in our community, but look at me. I’m just a mom, running carpool and endless errands.”
In case you didn’t know, no one talks to you more than you talk to you! But more often than not our self-talk is clouded because we keep looking at ourselves and others through the wrong pair of glasses. We see as the world sees, just like our kids.
The self-talk streaming through their heads and shaping their reality may go like this…
“Everyone was invited except me… Nobody cares about me. I’m worthless”
I never get as many “likes” on my pictures as everyone else…I am a nobody.”
“How embarrassing to have not made the varsity team. Everyone is going to laugh at me and think I’m a loser.”
We determine truth based on what we see. But as long as we are wearing the wrong pair of lenses we will never see clearly. What we need is gospel-glasses.
Jesus said, “The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! (Matthew 6:22-23)“
We will be filled with light or darkness based on what we fix our eyes on. And whichever fills us, darkness or light, will affect our whole being. This is why comparing ourselves to others takes us down the dark path to feeling less than, worthless, insignificant, not good enough. Or, when “seeing” someone’s dismissal or rejection of us is the basis of our worth, we become consumed with dark thoughts.
But when we fix our eyes on Jesus to see who he is for us, and who we are in him, the narrative changes.
- When my eyes are fixed on him, yes, it may hurt my feelings that someone treats me rudely but it doesn’t define or cripple me.
- When my eyes are fixed on him, I can be okay with not having the same luxuries, life or body as someone else.
- When my eyes are fixed on him, his light illuminates hope, joy and contentment even when circumstances are hard.
What are your eyes fixed on? What about your kids?
In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:4-5)”
Is it time for a new pair of glasses?
May your eyes be lifted off yourself and onto Jesus to see full into his wonderful face. And in seeing who he is for you, and you are in him, may you be filled with his light.
*Names have been changed. Artwork courtesy of my son, Jonathan:)
