Since publishing my recent post on teen suicide, the new Netflix hit series 13 Reasons Why (based off Jay Asher’s book) on this very topic is what everyone is watching – at least what teenagers are. But considering the subject matter and some graphic content I didn’t want my boys holed up with their devices watching and processing alone. So we decided to watch it as a family.
I am not necessarily recommending it – there are some scenes even I couldn’t watch – but for us it was useful for worthwhile and necessary discussions. Not just about suicide. Many themes are brought out through the circumstances and lives of each character. Evaluating all of this with our boys I think helped them see more clearly the root cause for Hannah’s suicide (the main character) and what was going on underneath the surface of each character.
**Spoiler alert: Stop now if you haven’t seen the show and don’t want to read her 13 reasons why.**
Each episode is centered around the cassette tape Hannah Baker leaves behind for the twelve people (one is the subject of two tapes which makes for 13) she indicts as contributors to her death. And while there is much to be said about what Justin, Jessica, Alex, Tyler, Courtney, Marcus, Zach, Ryan, Sheri, Clay, Bryce and Mr. Porter could and should have done differently they are NOT ultimately responsible. What happened to Hannah was her doing.
Please hear me, I absolutely don’t mean this to sound cold and I do not dismiss mental health as a contributing factor. I know mental health can absolutely color how we see oursevles and the world around us. But we also cannot overlook the spiritual.
The show is without religious bent, but I think we need gospel glasses to clearly decipher what is going on in Hannah’s heart, and the others. Looking through these lenses we see Hannah’s thoughts, emotions, and actions so tied to her circumstances, other people’s opinions and sin that she was blinded to who Christ is for her. All she saw were the actions and inactions of others as the basis of her worth, in essence making them her savior. Therefore an identity and hope secured in Christ is missed.
Whether we are a Christ follower or not, each of us are made in the image of God and therefore have intrinsic value. But we are also all tainted by sin. Ever since Adam and Eve took the fruit in the garden, humanity has fallen for the same lies. We think something other than God will give us “life,” or you could say significance or an identity. So just like Adam and Eve we turn to false sources looking to fill our “soul hole.” But no matter how hard we try we come up empty. Nothing apart from God will ever do the trick because the hole is a God-shaped hole. Anything else we try to stuff it with won’t make us whole.
So for Hannah like all of us, she wanted approval, acceptance and love. She wanted to know she was okay. There is nothing wrong in these desires in and of themselves; we were created this way. The problem is where and how she (and we) look for approval, acceptance and love.
Even had Hannah’s classmates been better friends to her, they would never succeed at perfectly meeting her desires. Both because they are sinful humans and because they were never meant to be the source of satisfaction and fulfillment. Only in Christ do we have the perfect approval, acceptance and love that we long for. And because we do, it is in him that our true identity and worth must lie. Who he is for us must be the gospel self-talk we replay over and over again in our minds to root out the lies Satan would have us believe about ourselves.
By the same token, every character in the show needed the same gospel self-talk. They needed to be reminded that in every way they failed, Christ never failed for them. They need to hear that Christ became sin and bore their shame so they could be free from it. And nothing they did or didn’t do was outside of God’s forgiveness.
Had this been the tape running through their minds instead of Hannah’s, the self-preservation, self-atonement and self-justification we see displayed in them throughout the show could’ve been trumped by grace. By God’s grace they might have been free to admit their failures and sin, and call it for what it was. By his grace they might have been even willing to accept the consequences. And by his grace these things would not define them had they known their identity secure in Christ.
Did some of them do and say some horrible things that hurt Hannah deeply?
Yes.
But Jesus took on all of our hurt, all of our pain, all of our suffering and all of our sin, so he could identify with us in the midst of ours and ensure the end of the story never be without hope. Hope of things to come, promised way back in the garden and secured at the cross. So instead of “Welcome to your tape,” we can hear, “Welcome, my child, you are deeply loved. Always. No matter what.”
Face Time, a book for teen/college girls on identity and worth, comes out May 29th. You can preorder it now: here. Want to join the Book Launch Team? Click here.
