The External Pointers of our Internal Reality

On a Monday morning last February I went to the gym and the grocery store like I always do. But when I got home that particular day my husband didn’t help me unload as normal because he felt light-headed. I got him an Aleve, put the groceries away and went off to shower not thinking anything more about it. The next thing I knew though he was in the bathroom saying he needed to go to the ER!

I was confused, but jumped out, threw on some clothes, and off we went. Of course we got caught behind slow-moving vehicles and then even I started to worry as my husband next to me in the passenger seat struggled to catch his breath. He was sweating profusely and thought he was dying.

Thankfully it was not a heart attack. He was though kept overnight for testing and monitoring. The next day when everything seemed “fine” we were sent home with more questions than answers. Follow-up appointments with specialty doctors ensued, but still nothing conclusive.

We now believe what happened to him was a panic attack. He had been under alot of emotional distress, personally and professionally. And as holistic beings, it makes sense that physical effects arise out of our mental stress.

In the same way our physical health points to an internal reality, our external behavior (words and actions) point back to our heart – spiritually speaking now.

For instance, my daughter’s past eating disorder struggle was never really about the food. To treat it as such would’ve missed the root problem going on in her heart. But this is not just true with the “big” stuff, it’s true with all things.

My curt words toward my husband point to something more. While it may involve sin on his part, I need to trace it back to see what’s going on in my heart! Like the Israelites, ready to put Moses to death because they were thirsty in the wilderness and still in the wilderness (Exodus 17), Moses was not the real problem. The real issue stemmed from the Israelites discontentment with God, believing he had failed and forgotten them.

To get help and find healing, we have to deal honestly with our real problems and not just put superficial band aids on symptoms or sweep things under the rug. We need to see our emotions and outward behavior like red flags alerting us to the troubled waters of our hearts and then ask ourselves questions about them.

• Is the reason I lashed out because I was feeling afraid?
• Am I nagging my kids because I’m seeking control and perfection?
• Did I not “like” her picture, unfollow her, or speak badly about her because I was jealous?
• Did I break down because I’m trying to be “Jesus” to all people, working out of my own strength instead of depending on him in my weakness?
• Did I avoid that person because I feel insecure/less than around her?

Too often we don’t pick up on the pointers or ask such questions. We aren’t in the habit of connecting them to our deeper heart problems. And we don’t really want to deal honestly with our own sin, or live redemptively with others. But going on an inward search is how we discover what’s ruling us and the lies we are believing. It’s where see our need of God’s grace and the gospel to penetrate, regardless of other’s possible sin against us.

When we leave these things unattended, like what had been simmering in my husband before his scare, they will keep festering until it finally either erupts into something bigger or leaves us hardened. May we remember then that though sin is hard to see, seeing it is a good thing. When we don’t know it’s there we don’t do anything about it.

True growth in the Christian life is evidenced not by getting better and better, but by seeing more of our sin, becoming regular repenters and living in greater dependence of the Great Physician.