“Fiona just walked in.” We all knew who she was. Well, maybe not which Fiona, but the name alone alerted us sales associates to offer our very best customer service. Fiona received special treatment in our store, not because she was one of our biggest spenders, rather because she was a known shoplifter.
The first time I learned we had to have a code name (“Fiona” as used here but not the actual code name) for identified shoplifters—was surprising enough. The fact multiple Fionas had been identified by all the higher-end stores in the area, all wealthier women who could afford to buy what they stole, was mind-blowing. I could understand why someone in need might steal, never had I considered this scenario. But research indicates that higher-income individuals steal more often than the poor.
Fast forward a few years, now a counselor, I found myself equally miffed when I heard shoplifting is as common as drinking and vaping among teens. I’ve raised three teenagers and counseled numerous teen girls but had never heard this! Questions swirled in my head: Was shoplifting really this common or simply normalized within a particular friend group? School? Or the area where I now live?
I polled other counselors, youth workers, parents of teens, and teens themselves to see what they knew. Not a lot. This really is not known about and yet a much bigger issue than we would ever expect! As parents, counselors, a society we are aware of teen drinking, vaping, drug use, sex, pornography, but shoplifting isn’t talked about. And yet a statistic I came across indicates that 90% of teens know other teens who regularly shoplift. Another reports, 47% of teens have shoplifted. And while teen shoplifting comprises of only about a quarter of all shoplifting, adults who shoplift typically started during their teen years.
The more I read about shoplifting the more I kept digging. Before I knew it, I got sucked into the underworld of a social network community of “lifters,” as they refer to themselves, sharing pictures of their loot, bragging about how much they “saved,” and sharing tips on best practices and how not to get caught. I discovered this site through an article written by a former shoplifter who interviewed young female shoplifters and a psychologist to shed light specifically on why wealthier teen girls shoplift. From this article and others, I’ve drawn some conclusions about how shoplifting starts and why it continues.
- Peer Pressure
A spur of the moment decision propelled by peer pressure is often the catalyst for a first-time stealing incident. One girl may suggest it or confide in her friends that she’s done it and gotten away with it, and others want to try. The idea of getting away with something “bad” is enticing. And the euphoria is greater done in a group than alone. “The rush of getting away with something is contagious. It’s sort of like having a little party,” as one clinical psychologist said.
Add in the pressure girls feel to measure up to a standard of perfection, one teen reported stealing items needed “to be skinny, attractive, put together, well dressed, etc.” While the decision to steal for some stems from not being able to afford what they “need” to maintain their appearance, others steal what their parents won’t buy them (though many parents would buy for them if they simply asked) or to show off to their friends. Whatever the circumstance, peer pressure in some sense is a factor.
2. Entitlement
One teen said her friends lift because “they believe they deserve the item but don’t think the price is fair.” They rationalize their actions as an acceptable response to greedy corporate America figuring a big box store doesn’t need their money. But another lifter who considers shoplifting a victimless crime said ultimately, it’s not about “anything greater than my own personal satisfaction.”
Happiness as the be all, end all leads to self-centered, entitled living. Wealth and power can also lead to elevated entitlement and self-interest. In fact, research consistently points to the wealthy being more apt to cheat, steal, and make unethical decisions than the poor. So for wealthier teens seeking after self, a sense of being above the law, and a motto of doing whatever makes me happy contributes to the shoplifting among this particular population.
3. Empowerment
For some, needing or even wanting the stolen item(s) isn’t what necessarily drives the decision to lift. “For whatever reason, it just seemed like the right thing for a white, middle-class teenage girl like me to do.” In cases like this, shoplifting feels empowering. There is a sense of, ‘Look what we got away.” Or as 15-year-old PrincessKlepto (her username on the underground shoplifting site) put it, “I felt so bada$$… I couldn’t wait to do it again.”
As a counselor, I see the craving for empowerment connected to lacking control. From broken families, trauma, the pressure to perform, measure up and fit in, teens struggle to know their worth and often feel like their lives are spinning out of control. Eating disorders are rampant for this reason and shoplifting can provide a similar temporary sense of sastisfaction.
4. Lack of Conviction and Moral Values
With the breakneck speed at which our culture is changing so is our collective moral compass. No longer it seems is anything deemed right or wrong, rather we’re told to do what makes us happy. You do you. Truth is relative, up to our own interpretation. To not be accepting appears to be the biggest sin these days.
According to a study conducted by the Josephson Institute of Ethics, 92 percent of young people don’t see anything wrong with their ethics. One in five kids surveyed professed shoplifting at one time or another. Therefore, we can conclude teens either don’t think shoplifting is wrong or they feel okay justifying it.
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This was a lot for me take in. I imagine for you too, as stealing likely isn’t something we thought we had to readdress with our older kids. We taught them right and wrong when they were young. The Ten Commandments are clear. And yet in today’s world of relative truth and blurred ethics, it feels like God’s Word and our word as parents don’t stick.
While it is an uphill battle, God’s Word is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And as parents we are the #1 influence in our children’s lives, even if it feels like everyone else has their ear. But, Parents, we must not abdicate our role. Our children need a contrary voice to what the world around them exalts. We must though pursue their hearts, not simply behavior, because no amount of “law” can change a heart’s desires. To pursue their hearts, we help them see their ruling idols and how they are trusting in false sources to give them what only God can.
Though I’ll circle back soon with a post on parenting to the heart, being aware of the four listed motives should help, and I’ll leave you with these general resources:
- The Redemptive Parenting Podcast, episode 2 Law vs. Grace in Parenting – Helps parents decipher between law and grace in parenting so we are better equipped to parent to the heart
- Navigating Culture: A Student’s Guide to Navigating Culture by Walt Mueller – this is a little book packed with great substance. While it doesn’t address stealing specifically it helps us alongside our children evaluate cultural messages through a lens of biblical truth.
For just a bit more, in my upcoming newsletter I’ll include some probing questions for your kids on the topic of shoplifting. You can subscribe to my newsletter HERE.
References
Shoplifting and the Teen Girl: What, how, and why middle-class teens steal. Racked. EJ Dickson. Oct 26, 2016. https://www.racked.com/2016/10/26/13175722/shoplifting-teen-girl-middle-class-psychology
Rich robbers: Why do wealthy people shoplift? The Guardian. Rene Chun. Nov 4, 2019. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/nov/04/wealthy-people-shoplift-rob-steal-why
Wow! I had NO IDEA that this was as rampant as it is.