Everywhere I go people want to know: “How are YOU doing?” You know, because my daughter just left for college.
Surprisingly, much better than I thought I would be. Part of the reason for the relative ease in adjustment (as I’ve previously written) is because unlike my husband, I grieved over her pending departure her entire senior year! But I also think the reason I’m doing so well is because she is doing so well – which got me thinking…
What if she was miserable? Would I still be okay?
I’m not so sure, considering how I have felt during past trials she has faced. Because the truth is when things have been rough for her, I was right there with her in the eye of the storm… My happiness hijacked by her emotions.
Does this happened to you too? Is your well-being determined by your kids’ emotions? Is it true,”You’re only has happy as your unhappiest child?”
As parents, we exert alot of time, energy, and resources in trying to secure our kids’ happiness. Happiness is, after all, what tops worldwide lists of what parents want most for their kids. So if you are like me, I’m sure at one time or another the “I just want them to be happy” mantra has influenced your decision-making, gift-giving or even rule-breaking when it comes to your kids.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to want happiness for them, but I do think in trying to manage their happiness (or prevent their unhappiness) we are hindering them from:
- Learning to live in the mundane
- Finding joy in all seasons
- Considering others above oneself
Instead, by catering to their every whim in hopes of keeping them happy, and by revolving our lives around theirs to the extent we do, we are creating entitled kids who live as if they are the center of the universe and life should always go their way. Because this is often their attitude, when things don’t go as they want and happiness elludes them, they don’t know how to cope.
So, my thoughts as I reconsider what I want most for my kids:
Learning to Live in the Mundane
All of life is not lived on the mountaintop. In fact, most of our days we will be straddled somewhere in between the mountains and valleys of life. But in our culture we’ve gotten in our mind that everything for everyone else is always perfect, happy and spectacular. So when this not our reality, we feel disappointment, maybe even depression, as we go searching for something more to fill us (back to the soul holes I’ve written about).
Ultimately only God can fill the hole in our soul. And when he does we find rest, peace and joy that leads to contentment in the mundane – no longer consumed with striving for more, stuck comparing our lives to others’ pictures, or wallowing in self-pity over what we do not have. Instead we will view our lives, even the simple, mundane tasks, with purpose and meaning to the glory of God.
Finding Joy in all Seasons
Life will be hard sometimes. Scripture tells so. In this world that is not our true home, we will experience suffering and trials. Sometimes maybe even lasting long periods, leaving us in a perpetual state of sadness.
When this is our reality, is peace and joy still possible?
I think so, but by God’s grace alone. This question could fill multiple blog posts, books even, but in a nutshell we have to go back to the gospel to see who Jesus is for us. To remember his faithful promises to be with us, to uphold us, to not forsake us. To be our shield and our fortress. To be our friend. To be our Savior.
God turned his back on his own son and Jesus willingly went forward to the cross to suffer and die so that we could be eternally accepted, loved and embraced. If he didn’t back down then, why would he now? And because he didn’t we can have a deep-seeded joy in knowing who he is for us despite whatever circumstances we find ourselves in.
Considering Others Above Oneself
When we can’t get outside of our own happiness, we don’t have the eyes to see others in their need. Our self-focus and personal agenda to accomplish what makes us happy, prevents us from loving our neighbors and doing community the way God intended. But when we take our eyes off our self and consider others something beautiful happens – we don’t care as much about ourselves. And we find more joy because we aren’t so self-absorbed.
These things among many others I want for my kids. But all of them go back to this: More than happiness, I want my kids to get their story straight. To see their story in light of the gospel story. And in grasping the work and worth of Jesus on their behalf, they would rest secure in God’s love and acceptance and find true joy.
You may also be interetsed in this related post: What Happens When Happiness is our Highest Goal for our Kids
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