Parenting teens is no joke. And I’ve learned, getting them out of the nest doesn’t put you in the clear either! If anything, it makes parenting more complicated and the trials even weightier. Because of the long and challenging road that parenting is, I don’t think there is anything more rewarding than when we see evidence of God’s grace and the fruit of our labor in our kids.
But it doesn’t just happen, like a light gets switched on. No, it comes in the culmination of years of purposeful, pro-active spiritual initiative, consistency and a long-range perspective. It comes in turning the turmoil, trials and tears into opportunities for the gospel.
Certainly we haven’t done this perfectly, as our 20-year-old daughter would attest. But in looking back on our daughter’s teen years I can see how the hardest days have shaped her life in Christ the most. So though I wouldn’t wish on anyone some of what she/we have gone through, nothing has been wasted. It has all been used for good!
Two weeks ago, together at a conference in Nashville, my daughter and I got to reflect back on her teen years. Our workshop topic was “Living Redemptively With Your Teen.” It wasn’t so much about how we survived as it was what we’ve learned in the process to help others survive better!
We see living redemptively as reflecting who Jesus is to each other as givers of life and grace.
- It is choosing not to hold sin against one another, to shame one another or to require perfection.
- It is to move toward one another in love even when not loveable.
- It is to allow each other to live out their messy broken lives by creating a safe place for authenticity.
- It is to make confession, repentance, forgiveness and restoration a normal pattern in our relationships.
- It is a life-long process!
While there isn’t an easy-to-follow formula that will guarantee the right end-results, we did offer up some tips for parents that might help.
Here are mine:
- Be honest about your own sin and struggles. Be the first to confess sin/seek forgiveness
- Don’t be shocked by sin; identify with them in it.
- Don’t try to control and fix; Listen.
- Assure them of your love simply because of who they are and not because of what they do.
- Make time for fun without an agenda.
And hers:
- Listen to us.
- Don’t try to fix us.
- We don’t want your unsolicited advice.
- We do want you to be honest.
- Share your sin & struggles with us.
We wrote these independently of each other so it’s interesting to me that we came up with so many of the same. If you would like elaboration on any, send me a comment and I’ll work it into future posts. These will also be expanded on in a future parenting ebook. Be sure to sign up for my newsletter to stay in the loop.
In the meantime, I hope whether you are on the cusp of parenting teens or in the thick of it, you find this as encouragement to keep an eternal perspective in parenting. One motivated not by what can be seen right away but in believing that what you prioritize, how you shepherd, discipline and love your teen matters and by God’s grace will be evident in who they become!
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“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you…” 1 Peter 1:3-4
