Why do we do what we do?
This should be a driving question we ask of ourselves, and teach our kids to evaluate for themselves. It gets to the root beneath our words and actions by revealing motives. Or, you could say, exposing what we truly worship.
Created as worshipful beings we are always worshipping something. But with hearts bent toward sin (as hit on in the Blindness parenting pitfall post), we are prone to worship something other than God. This “something” can be anything. For many of us, as strange as it sounds, the opinions of others and fear of missing out is our driving force or false god.
We want to be liked, included and accepted. We want this for our kids, too. Not a wrong desire in its proper place. But if the fear of not being liked, included or accepted rules us, it will drive what we do.
For the purpose of this post consider how our false god of fear gives way to permissiveness in parenting.
- Sunday morning worship has always been a non-negotiable for your family. But your daughter’s friends always do Saturday night slumber parties and she hates having to leave early and miss out when everyone else can stay. So you let her stay and skip church once. Once becomes twice, and before you know it she regularly misses what you have always said to be most important: being fed by the gospel and vitally connected to the body.
- Everybody else lets their kid play that game, listen to that music, see that movie, or be on that app. Your son’s friends start making fun of him for not being allowed to. You fear how this will make him feel, or that they may stop inviting him to hang out, so instead of sticking to your convictions you rationalize it as okay.
- Your daughter committed to a babysitting job weeks ago, but at the time she said “yes” she didn’t know it was the same night of her close friend’s party. Your daughter begs you to let her make up an excuse and cancel. You know that is not the right thing to do, but you hate for her to miss being at the party or in any of the . pictures that will be splattered across social media.
We are driven by whatever we worship. Is it fear of man or love of God? 1 John 4:18 says:
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
This is mind-boggling if you really think about the implications of this verse. It tells us perfect love pushes out fear because perfect love brings with it full acceptance and security! In other words, there is nothing to fear when we stand 100% securely loved. This kind of perfect love is found only in Christ and hen we know it, it should change our affections and dispel fear.
When fear still drives us, again it ties back to worship. It reveals to us that we are still looking to other things to fill us instead of resting in the love of the One who has given us everything.
If we knew this love, we would see His opinion is the only one that matters. And instead of letting fear of others, fear of missing out, fear of measuring up, fear of acceptance or whatever else we fear control us, our healthy fear of God and desire to glorify Him would mean most.
Anchored by his love, may our children see from us that we are compelled from our worship of God alone. Acceptance from any other source is fleeting.
This is the fourth in a five part series. For the other posts in the Parenting Pitfalls series and the post that led to it click links below: What I Seee After 8 Years of Being a Middle School Parent Parenting Pitfalls: Selfishness Parenting Pitfalls: Permissiveness Parenting Pitfalls: Blindness Parenting Pitfalls: Perfectionism
