Have you seen 13 Reasons Why Season Two yet?
There is a character who violated multiple girls but hasn’t been charged. We get hints that his mom suspects the rumors are true, but his dad will have none of it. No way his son would do such a thing. Out of his own self-interest, the baseball coach also turns a blind-eye to the boys’ criminal behavior.
This is an extreme example, but as parents in various way we too overlook what we don’t want to see in our kids or deal honestly with. We are prone to both excuse or justify bad behavior, and we fall for our children’s lies. We look to blame others. We demand special privileges and request exceptions to the rules.
Maybe for us it looks something like this…
- Another parent reaches out with concerns about something she heard your child was doing. You ask your child about it later and he denies it. End of story.
- Your child got a zero for not turning his paper in on time, but you email the teacher demanding an extension. You can’t have his grade drop and mess up his GPA.
- Your child was the “mean girl,” but instead of dealing honestly with the root behind her actions you blame others for how they led to her inappropriate response.
Or, may it is not so much a denial, but naivety that makes us blind.
- You “know” your child knows pornography is wrong so there is no need to check his phone.
- Your child has a “good” group of friends who all go to youth group so you totally trust them.
- Your daughter spends alot of time with her boyfriend but it’s okay because she set boundaries you know she would never cross.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9
We have a hard time believing we are really as bad as Scripture says we are. If we did, I don’t think we would be so blind or naive.
While sin is never good, seeing it is.
Without seeing it for what it really is, we don’t know how deep our need for a Savior is. This is what I want most for my kids. I want them to know their need of Jesus so they rest in His finished work and worth.
So don’t be fooled into thinking that talking about your child’s sin-sick heart will damage their self-esteem. No, it is only in seeing the inward working of their heart as it truly is that leads them to a greater worship of Him for what He has done, and the desire to live in a way that is glorifying to Him.
Knowing who He is for us is also what moves us to deal honestly with our sin. We don’t have to turn a blind-eye to it when we know God’s acceptance is on the sole basis of Jesus’ worth and work. When we know there is no condemnation to fear for any of our sin – past, present or future – we are free to admit to it, and help our kids to the same.
On the contrary, when we act as if our children are not sinners, we tell them they don’t need a Savior.
When sin is only what “bad” people do, we lead them to hide more from us.
But when we are not shocked by sin or naive to the realm of it, it should change the way we parent. It should lead us to be more vigilant and aware. And, it should foster an atmosphere of more open, honest dialogue, redemptive living and grace.
The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness…” Matthew 6:22-23
This is the third in a five part series. For the other posts in the Parenting Pitfalls series and the post that led to it click links below: What I Seee After 8 Years of Being a Middle School Parent Parenting Pitfalls: Selfishness Parenting Pitfalls: Permissiveness Parenting Pitfalls: Blindness Parenting Pitfalls: Fear Parenting Pitfalls: Perfectionism
