I can hardly believe my baby will be in high school. Although quite honestly, he’s been ready since he started middle school and hanging around high schoolers since he was in 3rd grade. As a 6th grader I regularly dropped him off alone at our large high school so he could meet up with friends (other younger siblings of high schoolers) for basketball games. He even went down on the court at the end to congratulate players before finding his sister for his ride home. To say he’s comfortable at the high school and with older kids is an understatement. So finally it’s his turn.
Jumping right in this final month of middle school, he’ll experience his first high school reality in his bid for freshman Student Council Rep. Once again, he’s watched his sister and other kids participate so he’s known it’s something he’s wanted to do. But as we all know we don’t always get what we want.
Along with all the other candidates he will go through an interview process and voting before two winners are announced at the end of the week. I imagine it will be a long week of wondering and waiting, and alot of talk. He’ll be nervous and so will I.
If you’re a parent of a pre-teen on up to an adult you’ve probably been there too. Maybe it wasn’t Student Council, but no doubt your kid has faced an election, interview or try out of some kind that has made you anxious because we don’t want to see them get hurt. But win or lose these times create huge parenting opportunities.
Let us then proactively consider what we communicate (verbally and nonverbally) in and through the election process (and of course, everything else in life!) To do so, we must first examine our own hearts…
- Are we more invested in it than we should be? If so, why?
- Are we leading our children to feel like the result is life or death? Like it’s their identity?
- Are we tearing their competitors down?
- Is it all we’re talking to them about?
The premium we place on such things (and not just a tryout, but also grades, popularity, resumes, etc) is the cause for much of the pressure kids are sinking beneath these days. They feel the weight of perfection and believe their performance is a direct tie-in to their identity. And they do take their cues from us.
Therefore, as parents we must be careful not to lead our kids to believe their value is in any way reflective of what they do or don’t do. Because whether or not my son becomes a StuCo rep or not has nothing to do with his true identity. But how I treat this election will confirm or deny that is true.
So this week the election serves as my springboard to remind him of who he is because of Christ’s worth and work, not his own. His peers may not vote for him and while this will lead to disappointment, my hope is he will stand secure knowing what God thinks of him is what matters. The same truth, equally important if he wins.
Just because he (or whoever does win) gets the vote and/or performs best in the interview does not make him (others) any more valuable than anyone else. To think it propels him to a position of being better than others would be to make it his identity. And whatever any of us turn to for identity will be the thing we have to hang on to in order to feel our worth.
Only in Christ will we and our kids find a secure identity. This is what I want him to know.
So I am asking God to help me hold the election in its proper place so I can encourage my son to also see it rightly. And that God would then protect him from pride if he wins and strengthen him in His love if he loses.
