This picture here about sums up our Christmas holidays.
With one who got her tonsils taken out and one with a horrible cough, I have been an on-call nurse now for 8 days straight!
The doctor told us healing from the tonsillectomy would take 10-14 days, but honestly I just thought he told us the long-end in case of complications. As it turns out he was not lying. It has been rough going.
She is tired of not feeling like doing anything more than watching a movie, tired of laying on the couch in her pajamas not being able to eat, tired of seeing the plans she has missed on Instragram, tired of wondering if she is ever going to feel better, but this is not the real struggle.
The real struggle lies in the hearts of me and Pete. It’s the on-going struggle we actually all face, if we are honest. It’s the struggle over who’s kingdom are we living for- mine or God’s. Am I called to live for myself or die to self and live for others?
Here is how it is playing out in our home right now.
After delivering apple sauce and meds to my patient, I sit down to tackle yet another project. (Being forced at home has opened the door to all sorts of home projects that normally I might put off.) I am now fully-engaged in it when I get a text from my patient in the other room asking for some fresh water.
I get up, get her the water and go back to my project. Ding-Ding. My phone buzzes again. This time she would like a grape popsicle. I get up, get her the popsicle and go back to my project. As you can guess, it happens again.
“WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW!?!?” is what goes through my head.
Turns out she wants to show me a cute picture someone posted online. Now I’m thinking, “I got up again for that?!?”
Then it hits me. I am a selfish sinner that cares more about what I want to do than meeting the needs of my lonely, sad and sick daughter. I need Jesus to love her through me.
This is real life. Every day we are faced with whose kingdom we are living for… my own good and happiness or that of those around us. It plays out in different ways, big and small, all the time.
For my husband this week, his favorite week of the entire year because of all the bowl games, he has had to sacrifice game-watching time to watch a show our daughter would rather watch. Yes, she could’ve gone upstairs to another TV but what she craved was our attention.
When we stop and evaluate our hearts in these situations, there is only one conclusion. We all need Jesus.
He succeeded where I fail and apart from His strength in me I can’t ever love the way I am called to. This is what it means to live out the gospel. And why we need to constantly hear the gospel and who Jesus is for me!
