The sun streamed in through my back window as we took our seats around the living room. About fifteen women gathering for our first of three Monday evenings together to do a book study – something I love doing in the summer with friends and new acquaintances alike. Because we didn’t all know each other I wasn’t sure how the night would go. But as we delved into our chapter questions one woman spoke forthrightly about her feelings of inadequacy in comparison to everything Sally does (name changed for privacy). Her honest look at herself was refreshing. The following week someone else shared her inner tension with loving others who aren’t like her. And I confessed, “Me too.”
Considering the premise of the book – Steve Brown’s latest, Hidden Agendas – is about dropping our masks and dealing honestly with our sin and struggles, such personal unveilings were not shocking. But for most of us outside of a book study on this topic, our normal tendency is not toward transparently sharing such information. In fact, quite the opposite – we try to keep our ‘junk’ covered up and we retreat when we fear we’ve exposed too much of ourselves.
Oh, how our insecurities fuel our fear of what other people might think about us, if they only knew. A fear that drives us to hold tight to the masks of SuperMom, Proverbs 31 Woman, Multi-Tasker Extraordinaire, Perfect Christian and Ms Everything as we masquerade around town acting like we have it all together.
In our wake, others feel like they are failing because they don’t measure up to the image we portray. We are no different from our teens who put on their own masks to disguise their insecurities of feeling less than compared to their friends’ seeming perfection, especially as seen on social media.
When you think about the reality of us all pretending to be who we think we should be based on who we think others are it is ludicrous! Exhausting and crippling too…
In keeping up the pretenses we miss out on deepening relationships and forgo the freedom that comes by sharing our struggles and confessing our sin. And because we don’t, we never experience the relief of a friend who says, “You feel that way?! Me too!”
Wouldn’t it be nice to be embraced in our vulnerability? To know the safety of true friends? The kind of friend who knows your baggage and loves you anyway? The kind who can speak honestly to you, even about your sin, without you be offended? And the kind you could do the same with? I call this kind of friend a gospel friend!
So what would it take to stop the masquerade and let others see us (and love us) as we are? To be a gospel friend? Does that feel too scary? Why?
1 John 4:18 says: “There is no fear in love, but perfect love cast out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.”
It may sound extreme to think of fear as keeping us from love, but the truth is when we live in fear of what others think or of letting others see behind our masks, we stay stuck in self and inwardly focused. On the other hand, love reaches out to others and draws them in.
In the Greek, the word “perfected” means “full, grown-up and mature” or “to be complete.” Therefore, if the opposite is true of fear – we are empty, immature and incomplete in our fear. Unable to give to others because we demand others give to us. This is true of all of us at times. But don’t despair!
“In Him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily and you have been filled in him…” Colossians 2:9
This means for those who are in Christ we have all of Him. We are complete, not empty. We have no reason to be insecure. Everything true of Christ is true of us. We wear his righteous robes and God looks at us as he sees his Son.
What then is there to fear?
When we know we are full, complete and perfect in Christ…
- We don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than who we are
- We can take the mask off
- We can be honest about our sin
- We can stop worrying about what other people think
- We don’t have to be strong, because we know in our weakness He is strong
- We experience freedom.
When we are free of self and free of fear, we will be free to take off our masks and allow others to enter in to the muck and mess of our lives. And I imagine we will then hear others say, “Me too!” How different our churches, marriages, families, neighborhoods and communities would be if we realized we are all in the same boat.
I’m tired of the masquerade, aren’t you?
May our fear subside and gospel friendships be cultivated as we grasp how wide and how long and how deep is the love of Christ for us!
Do you want to read this book too? Click HERE to order your copy of Steve Brown’s Hidden Agendas [Dropping the Masks that Keep us Apart]
Love, Love, Love!