Hospitality is… People not Presentation

Coats and boots scattered across the entry way, pillows and blankets covering much of upstairs, cups and cell phones all over the kitchen counters, and too many suitcases, bags and purses to count filled every square inch surface in my daughter’s room (and the hallway outside my husband’s office). This kind of clutter can crawl up and down my skin. Add in loud, late nights, and this early-to-bed girl can begin to fall apart. Throw in a snow storm that begs me to make 16 lunches out of four baking potatoes for the unexpected extra meal at home and I should be totally undone!

Such was the scene at our house these past two days when eleven college friends of our daughter swept into town. They came from across three states and despite the chaos I was thrilled.

With our daughter having gone away for college without any of her high school friends I was eager to get to know all these new girls. So when she told me they wanted to come over the holidays, I didn’t give a second thought to details like not having enough towels, being short on pillows, how many meals I might need to feed them, or how the rest of our family would be inconvienced.

Not until a friend saw the Instagram picture below of all the girls in our kitchen and asked for tips on hosting large groups of teens did it occur to me that what according to my nature should have stressed me out had been nothing. To be honest, this was encouraging for me to see… to realize that through the years of frequently opening our home to teenagers, for Bible studies, dinner groups and parties, God has been changing me!

While I’ve always liked having people over and considered hospitality a gift, as grace has worked its way through me I realize how I think about hospitality has changed too. No longer is it about entertaining, but about inviting. Serving, giving, one anothering. It’s not about me… what my house looks like, how much money I have, how good a cook I may be, what Pinterest displays I’ve successfully mastered.

When we open our homes we have the opportunity to welcome others into our hearts and usher in grace to theirs. But this can be missed if we put up the facade of perfection through our production.  When we are more focused on the event, the details, the trying to make things perfect, we can unintentionally create a barrier between us and our guests, instead of an invitation to share ourselves in a way that leads to true fellowship and rejuvenation.

I know this because there was a time I was more consumed by the external. Now don’t get me wrong, I still want my house to look nice, the food to taste good and the presentation to be pretty. But I see how when that has been my priority it has been more to do with wanting my guests to think more highly of me than serving my guests with love and attention. And while that can still be the temptation, grace has freed me to be more okay with the mess, the unpredictable, the out of my control and disarray.

I can say “yes” to a crowd with little thought or stress over planning when the priority is the people. I can make them comfortable not by perfection, but presence.  And so my hope is to make my house an inviting place of rest. A place people can come to engage and enjoy the company. Where they walk away more stimulated by the conversations than whatever was put before them on the table. A gathering spot they want to return to and know they can at the drop of a hat.

To be this place I have learned I must let go of me. My identity is not found in being the “hostess with the mostess,” but in Christ.

When we start with knowing our secure identity is in Christ not what others think about us, we won’t neglect hospitality out of fear of the imperfect. We can be available and willing to throw open the doors whenever and to whomever without worry. We can be a place of grace where our kids want to bring their friends, and want to come home themselves. And we will discover for ourselves real joy and true beauty comes through inviting in laughter and loud, brokenness and tears; the making of friends through fellowship and breaking bread together, no matter what the “bread” or what it’s served on! So bring on the people… just know you won’t escape without a little dog fur:)

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