This is the last in the Before the Teen Years mini blog series. Of course, the topics are endless and ones I frequently revisit so be sure to subscribe if you haven’t already. Under the umbrella, Family First, I have combined three bullet points from the article 8 Things Parents Can Do Now to Shape the Teen Years Ahead. They are:
- Learn to say NO!
- Slow down.
- Prioritize family time.
I’ve heard it said: How you spend your money and time is a good indicator as to what you value. Or, in scripture it is said this way, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21).”
Now I believe probably all of us would say family matters most. And I don’t doubt that is true. But amid our busy schedules and the culture we live in, we struggle to prioritize what we say is most important: family, faith, friendships.
If we were to take a honest look at how our time and money is spent, what functionally rules us (or appears to actually be most important) will likely surface. Has family time, church involvement and friendships suffered under the subjection of jobs? kids’ activities? our social life? Have our first loves taken a backseat to the pursuit of appearance? success? perfection? happiness? Just some heart questions to consider.
With one in college I’ve seen how truly fast the years go. In five more years my house will be empty. I will miss the games and activity, but what I’ll miss even more is sitting down at the dinner table together, the evenings in the living room watching whatever series we were caught up in, the afternoons by the pool, and vacation time before the restrictions of their future jobs set in. I will miss worshipping together and discussing the sermon over Sunday lunch. I will miss the laughter and noise (maybe not always). But I’ll probably even miss not needing to go to the grocery store all.the.time!
When that is all gone, I will have more time than I want to focus on me. So right now sometimes we need to say “no” (even to things that are perfectly fine) in a concerted effort to slow us down to prioritize US. Otherwise, we will miss building the foundation upon which I want my kids to always cling: family and faith.
This is why I believe it is so important to proactively think through what prioritizing family time looks like for your family. By this I mean discussing a plan for how you are going to guard your time. What are you going to do early on to create an environment and instill in your kids the desire to be with family? To make worship a priority? What are you going to say no to? How are you going to help your kids buy into the why behind your values?
We didn’t do this perfectly, so there are things I would re-do. But we did have some non-negotiables in place. This did not mean my teenagers have always liked our every decision or “rule,” but I believe once the door is opened to bending convictions it is a slippery slope. So while it is never too late to redo, it is harder.
Therefore, I encourage you not to fall for the lie that your kid is going to get behind, miss out, not make the team, get into college or whatever it is, if you don’t do what everyone else is doing. Life does not have to be done on the hamster wheel! But, to jump off what never stops requires a long-range parenting perspective kept at the forefront.
The hope is someday your kids will appreciate you standing fast and fierce for family. We are already seeing this with our college daughter. When she comes home what she and her younger brothers look forward to most is going out for “sibling bonding time.” And what she is most thankful for from her first year away at college is her church and college ministry community.
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also (Matthew 6:21).”
Previous posts in this series:
Before the Teen Years: Your Kids are Not Your Identity
Before the Teen Years: Getting to the Heart of Sin with Our Kids
Before the Teen Years: Living Redemptively in Our Homes
Before the Teen Years: Shepherd Hearts Rather Than Police Behavior
8 Things Parents Can Do Now to Shape The Teen Years Ahead
