Deflated (from) Football

My eighth grade son has played tackle football for as long as I can remember.  While he was always one of the smaller kids on the team, his strength well surpassed his stature. Quite honestly it was fun watching him flatten the much bigger boys he was pitted against as a lineman.

Now my son is on his middle school’s varsity football team. I love with school ball that he just stays after school for practice instead of us spending every night of the week at practices and games. Plus, it is fun for them to play at the high school under the big lights in front of a larger crowd of parents and their peers. Best of all for my son’s team this year, they are winning!

But it’s not all great. The problem is my son is barely getting playing time since a bigger guy has been moved to his position. My son is frustrated, as are we.  It is hard to see him disappointed in knowing he didn’t contribute to his team’s successes. It is also hard not being able to do anything about it.

I pride myself in not being a helicopter parent but everything in me wants to go talk to the coaches. Did they accidentally overlook him? Do they not realize how good he is? Can’t they see size doesn’t determine strength? Doesn’t momma know best?

Of course, we all think we know what is best for our kids!  And how often we intervene on their behalf – asking teachers to change their grades, to give an exemption or telling coaches how to do their job (No wonder our kids act entitled, as I wrote about previously here.)

As hard as it is to sit in the stands and not say a word or not pick up the phone or send an email the next day, I know I mustn’t because whatever the Lord appoints is best. I would be doing no favor for my son in the eyes of the coaches by asking for special treatment. In fact, that would actually do him harm! I would also be doing no favor for my son in the long run by trying to prevent disappointment and trials.

If I want my son to grow up standing secure even admists the trials – whether it be major suffering or things just not going his way – we must help guide him through these tough life lessons instead of doing whatever it takes to shield him from them. Otherwise, how would he gain the experience and tools to cope with future disappointment, rejection and hardship?

So the best thing I can do for my son now is to turn the football deflation into an opportunity. I need to help him see his identity will never be found in being the best football player and if that is where he seeks it, he will always be disappointed. He needs to know his value comes from a Savior who loves him so much that He did everything necessary to secure an eternity with him.

Because He loves him to that extreme, wouldn’t He also have my son’s best in mind? Of course, He does! But I must help my son see that even when he doesn’t get his way and things don’t turn out how he wants, God has not abandoned him and He is still on His throne.

Ultimately, how we, as parents, respond to adversity will shape and inform how our kids view it, too.  Therefore, I can use this situation to build a foundation of his true identity being in Christ or I can inadvertantly push him to believe his performance determines his worth.

In the long run, imparting an eternal perspective over a here and now mentality will benefit my son far greater than me fighting for more playing time.  But just as my son needs long-range lenses to see this as for his good, so must I keep on my long-range parenting lenses.  My purpose has to be more than my kids’ happiness, comfort and ease, but focused primarily on showing them what it looks like to rest in Christ’s worth and work for them.

So for now and for always, what better lesson than one that helps them accept “not my will, Lord, but Yours” and to believe in and through it all He is with them and for their good!