I am in a season of feeling spread too thin with multiple high-priority responsibilities hitting all at once. With what I’m juggling, any additional to-do’s added to my plate makes me feel out of control. And if there is anything I’m learning about myself is my love for control, an orderly schedule and my own self-sufficiency.
One day this week I told my husband if anyone needs me for one more thing I may have a breakdown. Of course thirty minutes later I was asked to do somethin more. And the next day I was met by several more mind-consuming things – one being asked to go LIVE on a Radio Show that very day to discuss my recent post Why Teen Don’t Talk To Their Parents. All while my phone is blowing up over our school district’s release of the new boundary realignment. And to top it off my youngest texting me to come pick him up because he felt sick (he really wasn’t but what he was feeling perhaps subject for my next post.)
Thankfully, I didn’t have a breakdown like I thought I would. Instead I am being hit with and processing God’s desire to breakdown my own self-sufficiency and lead me to greater dependence on Him.
At Wednesday night’s Bible study our group discussed our tendency toward “self” and how that effects our relationships. In looking at the chart pictured below from Tim Lane and Paul Tripp’s book Relationships: A Mess Worth Making I identified myself as falling somewhere in between self-rule and self-sufficiency. But more clarity came the next morning.
I decided to forgo my study in Colossians and picked up Tim Keller’s devotional book The Songs Of Jesus to spend time in the psalms. Flipping to February 4th, the Lord had this passage just for me on that very day:
“The king rejoices in your strength, Lord. How great is his joy in the victories you give…Surely you have granted him undending blessings and made him glad with the joy of your presence. For the king trusts in the Lord; through the unfailing love of the Most High he will not be shaken.” Psalm 21:1-7
King David – king of the most powerful nation of Israel – relied on the Lord for his strength and had complete trust – to the point of not being shaken (or having a breakdown) – because of the Lord’s unfailing love for him personally, and God’s constant presence with him.
If this is who the Lord is for King David, who was overseeing massive battles, I know this is who He is for me too! And The Lord wants me to depend on Him. I wasn’t intended to carry my own load. He created us needy by design. Consequently needing others and seeing our need of Him is a good thing – for my good and His glory.
But we (or should I say I) tend to live like we/I can do it all – on our own, by our own effort. So instead of trusting Him and reaching out to others, I typically carry my own load relying on my own self-sufficiency. It seems easier that way, but I think sometimes (as in this week for me) He gives us more than we can do on our own to show us where we are not turning to Him.
Ironically when I do share my burdens, whether that means going to Him in prayer for strength and grace, asking others to pray or to tangibly help, it is amazing how my mindset changes even with all the same tasks and trials still there.
So today, Lord, I ask for you to help me forsake my own self-sufficiency and find joy as King David did in seeing your strength work in me.
Thank you that your steadfast loves never ceases and your mercies are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness!
