What’s happening in our country right now with the Kavanaugh confirmation hearings has stirred up alot of emotion for many women. In writing this, my intent is not to make a political statement or to pick a side. I have not been a victim of sexual assault. And I believe it is paramount to the freedoms our country was founded on that all people are not charged as guilty without a fair trial. But with permission from my daughter who has experienced trauma and been made to feel like what happened to her was not quite as she said, I share.
Like Ford, my daughter could not recall all the details of what she went through. Therefore, what (and if something) happened was called into question. Some thought she was being dramatic and looking for attention. Others accused her of overstating the incident. So instead of giving credence to what she knew to be true, she was told to “move on.”
“Get over it.”
“It’s not going to do you any good being depressed. Just choose to be happy.”
“Do you realize the ramifications of your accusation?”
After being encouraged to use her voice, she was slandered, doubted and rejected when she did. Over the long months that followed she absorbed the shame and the pain and worked hard to put it behind her. But along with her voice being silenced she suffered great emotional trauma. And as her parents, my husband and I did too.
I am not saying the victim’s truth is always right. As a mother of sons, the thought of one of them being falsely accused is terrifying. But what I hope to challenge us in is to seek to understand and enter into other’s stories without bias or quick judgment.
We have a country in a mental health crises. Anxiety, depression and suicide rates are all steadily climbing. Never before have people felt so alone.
I’m not sure there is only one overarching reason, lots of factors seem to be at play. But could it be that our innate desire to be known, loved and understood is not felt?
I know I want to be heard and affirmed. When I’m not I feel misunderstood, insignificant, hurt and forgotten. We enter in with others by seeking to place ourselves in their shoes. Of course I can never know personally what it is like to endure a certain trial that I haven’t gone through, to experience a particular suffering, to be of another race or have a different background than I do. This means I better do less talking and more listening with an abundance of grace and compassion.
Of course as humans we will never love perfectly, so there is a need for grace on both sides. Thankfully we have a Savior who does love us perfectly. He left his seat in heaven to inhibit our earth so that he could identify with us.
Hebrews 4:15-16 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
“Jesus knows what it is like to be misunderstood. He knows what it’s like to be mocked and rejected. He knows what it is like to be gossiped and lied about behind his back and criticized to his face… (He also knows what its like to be assaulted and humiliated.) Because he experienced first-hand all that we face, he understands us completely…He ‘gets’ us and he is filled with compassion for us…(from my book Face Time).”
We have a friend in Jesus.
Ultimately He is the only one who could fully enter in and come to the aid of my hurting girl. But by his grace may we be people who embody Christ to the world in the way we seek to come alongside in compassion, and forgo condemnation.
