In honor of National Coaches Day:
In the early years of marriage, my husband was a Bible teacher, football and wrestling coach. Twenty-five years later he is still in touch with many of the boys from his teams. “Coach Hatton,” these men who are now husbands and dads around the age of 40 still call him to this day.
I didn’t realize back then the true significance of the role my husband played in their lives. I had no idea how those boys were hanging on to his every word and that all these years later they would still tell him things they remembered he had said. I didn’t know that his encouragement and support then, not only motivated them in the moment, but would leave a lasting impression. And that some would continue to view my husband as a father-figure.
Now after having sons who have grown up playing sports, I see first-hand the impact (for better or worse) of a coach in the life of a kid. A coach living out his calling to the fullest builds up and invests in his players on the field and off. Is this not the reason we were so drawn to Ted Lasso and Coach Riggins (Friday Night Lights) before him? For you coaches who instinctly do this, THANK YOU! Your care and investment does not go unnoticed and your influence will be long-lasting. Sadly though not every kid has a coach like you. For this reason, I’ve listed three things players need from their coaches that has nothing to do with the formal job description:
1. Encouragement
Parenting expert and author Tim Elmore says, “Encouragement is oxygen for the soul.” It motivates us and keeps us going. It helps us feel seen, to believe in ourselves and to know our worth. Coaches, your players need to hear from you where they did well. This does not mean you should give shallow or unmerited praise–that kind of praise harms them. But they need to hear “Good job” when they’ve put in the effort and succeeded. To not hear positive feedback when deserved and to only hear critique is defeating.
2. Humility
We all make mistakes. A coach will not always make the right calls, just as each player won’t always perform up to par. But when any of us repeatedly self-justify or blame-shift instead of taking ownership, it is hard to give grace. The players will follow your lead. Just like in a family, if the parents don’t go first in admitting wrong and seeking forgiveness, a child sure won’t. So, coaches, own up to your mistakes. Believe it or not, doing so will earn you greater respect with your players (and parents, I might add).
3. Relationship
Know your players’ skills, but more so, know THEM. What’s going on in their worlds outside of the sport? Many kids are dealing with tough stuff. By default coaches often step into the role of surrogate parent or trusted mentor. I realize this is a big responsibility outside of what your actual job description calls for and on top of your personal life. But as you learn your players’ stories and struggles, enter in with them. This may be a checking-in text or a blocked-off hour in your office. But to hold their story and/or say you’ll be there for them and then not follow-up makes kids feel dismissed and unseen. Furthermore, in learning about your kids off the field, you will also learn better how to communicate with them on the field. You will know what motivates them and what shuts them down. In turn they will be able to better receive your critique.
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Though our long run with kids’ sports from peewee baseball to Varsity football and wrestling has ended, the character-building lessons for my boys from being on those teams are priceless. And along the way, they had many great coaches they won’t forget, with one particular evening with one of these men that we will never forget:
My upset child walked in the backdoor; behind him stood his coach. My son had been trying to perform through an injury without the success he so desperately craved. The negative self-talk had gotten the best of him. After practice the coach found him alone in the locker room. Not wanting to leave him by himself, the coach followed him home to make sure he was okay and arrived safely to us. THIS is what makes a great coach.
Coaching is a big responsibility. It’s exhausting, and can be underappreciated. But for those of you who encourage, care for, lead with humility and go above and beyond for the person who is your athlete, you’ll be remembered more for your love than your win-lose record. You’ll be someone who gets invited to former players’ weddings, you’ll receive baby announcement, Christmas cards and Facebook messages. I know because twenty-five years later my husband still does.
Be that coach. Leave that legacy.
