10 Tips for the Next Mothers of Brides

I used to be a wedding planner. That was before Instagram and Pinterest majorly upped the anté on weddings. Other significant differences now vs. then — it was my turn as mother of the bride and it’s our money I’m spending! And since this bride was my daughter, more emotions – and conflict – were a part of the planning process!

Despite my event planning skills, in my role as mother of the bride there were new things to learn. But since there is no wedding redo, I am passing along my tips to you — the next mothers of brides.

May you find the following tips helpful in your wedding planning process.

1. Review your contract details carefully

When I signed vendor contracts, I cautiously read through the agreements, but some details not pertinent until closer to the wedding seemed to slip my jam-packed mind. What I should have done is highlight those details and mark the planning calendar to circle back to. For example, the bridesmaids stayed together in a cottage the night before the wedding. In the agreement, propery damage was addressed. I didn’t expect property damage so it fled my mind. Well, property damage in the form of makeup stains on towels led to paying for replacements. While we can’t prevent everything, how much cheaper it would’ve been to give the girls travel size makeup wipes to use.

Also pertaining to contracts, the rental equipment agreement stated that all guarantees were binding at a month out. Considering a majority of RSVPs don’t come in until the deadline or after (Side note: Be prepared to send follow up texts & calls!), a month out is early for guarantees. Therefore, I had in my mind from other contracts that I could make changes up until 7-14 days prior to the wedding. Turns out I was stuck with unnecessary rental items (napkins, chargers, etc) due to a decreasing guest count at the end (more on this in next tip). And, if your photographer does not include “sneak peek” pictures in the contract, ask for it to be added. I’m kicking myself on this!

2. Count on fluctuating guest count numbers 

To be honest, the guest list is the biggest source of stress. In our case, no relatives of the bride or groom live in the state where the wedding was held. Nor are we, or the groom’s parents, from the state we reside in now. This meant a large portion of our guest list were out-of-towners. But at the time planning begins, it is impossible to know how many of those guests will actually come, especially considering our planning started during COVID-restrictons. At the same time, we wondered if after a year+ of limited travel & group gatherings people would be really excited to travel to a wedding. With so many unknown factors, we could not extend invitations to folks we would have loved to include. But with so many out-of-town invitees we simply didn’t know how our numbers would shake out and we had to stay beneath the venue’s max and within our budget.

As it turns out, we did have an extra high return rate of out-of-town guests. On the contrary, there were at least a dozen last minute RSVP reversals from a ‘yes’ to a ‘no’ plus no-shows. Everyone I know who has hosted a wedding told me this would happen. Even still, fear of not having enough food, wine, seats at the table, etc, etc, makes it hard to act on a reality of last-minute decreasing numbers. I share this fact as a caution to not up your numbers, if anything round down!

3. No one can read your mind

If you have a certain idea about how something should go, don’t assume even if it’s what you think to be “traditional” that it is a given. For instance, I did not want ushers seating people from the center aisle. It used to be tradition that guests were seated only from the sides, not so sure now. For this reason, I’m glad I talked through this ahead of time with our consultant. 

As a traditionalist, I’m also of the mindset that weddings start exactly on time. When I realized ours would not begin at 6 o’clock sharp, I wished I had thought to speak up to ensure the ushers were more extensively briefed about getting guests seated. All this to say, even if you think it’s unnecessary to discuss something, if it matters to you, do. Or, forever hold your peace!

4. The wedding will be a blur

Seven months of planning felt like it was over in seven minutes. I’ve heard people say that, now I know it’s true. Certainly, this gives perspective to the value we place on many of the little details. But the wedding day blur also means if you want to greet guests at each table, get pictures with certain people, a cell phone video of something in particular, or whatever else, you need to solicit a friend or family member ahead of time to help ensure it happens. As the mom of the bride you will be pulled in many directions and likely not thinking straight. It wasn’t until the next day when I realized who I didn’t talk to or take pictures with, that I wished I had assigned a friend the job of making these things happen.

5. In the end, it’s the marriage that matters

It is sooooo easy to get caught up in every.little.detail. It is also easy for wedding planning to rule your life. And naturally, we want everything to go perfectly as planned. Not everything will. Just remember in the grand scheme of life, it is okay! Ultimately, the wedding is about two people becoming one. The beautiful wedding lasts in our minds, the marriage is meant for forever. You may have to remind yourself of this often, and also encourage your daughter and her fiancé to prepare more for life than the night of their lives.

6. Along the way, remember your daughter

Because my daughter lives in another city, and we both had busy work/school schedules, whenever we found time to talk, it was ALL wedding. But that meant we weren’t staying connected on the rest of life’s happenings. So, we decided on weekly “business” calls. We didn’t stick to this perfectly, but the idea was to designate certain times for wedding talk and other times for other life stuff. 

Also, remember this is not your wedding, it is hers and her fiancé. Let their personalities shine forth in the wedding details!

7. Hire a consultant

In my opinion, hiring a wedding consultant at whatever level you can is worth every penny. Our consultant’s assistance along the entire planning period was a life saver to me. And remember, I was a consultant but still needed someone else to fill this role! She was always a step ahead and took care of things I didn’t even know about sometimes. Plus, it was nice to have an expert to bounce ideas off of and an advocate to help with vendor communication, etc.

8. Prepare to be overwhelmed (with stress & joy!)

Wedding planning is overwhelming. Along with the excruciating guest list decisions, figuring out how much money to budget for all the many line items is like a puzzle. And right when you think you have it, you learn how much something actually costs and the puzzle no longer fits together! So, yes, be prepared to be overwhelmed.

But you will also likely be overwhelmed in the most joyous, humbling way! From friends hosting showers and invitees generously giving, to friends showing up in the biggest of ways! For me, friends initiated coming over to peel wine bottle labels off and stick new ones on. Friends showed up to set up and tear down the rehearsal dinner décor. A friend addressed invitations for me. A friend picked up the rehearsal dinner flowers for us. Friends stayed after the reception to help clean up. Friends purchased airplane tickets to celebrate with us despite not knowing other guests!

At other times, I had to ask for help, which is not easy for me. But you can’t do this alone!! When I shared with a church friend that I was stressed about the next day brunch we were hosting for out-of-town friends and family, she immdiately took over by soliciting church women to provide and drop off brunch items at our house. I cannot even tell you what a gift, and mental load off, all the help was to me, or how inspiring it was to want to be that kind of friend to others.

9. Expect (budget rather) unexpected budget additions

I mentioned the budgetary puzzle. Well, make a line item for the unexpected because there will be new costs incurred ALL along the way. Also, plan to tip all service vendors, including servers, bar tenders, florist, photographer, videographer, musicians, hair, makeup, consultant, etc. While this certainly adds up, a whole team of people work hard to make the wedding fabulous so just plan for it in your budget.

10. Clear your calendar

There is something called “wedding hangover” and I can tell you it is real. You will need downtime as much after the wedding as you will need blocked-off time the week leading up to the wedding. Plan accordingly. Depending on your job, you will likely not be able to focus on anything else in the weeks before or after the wedding.

BONUS TIP – Soak it all in and dance! 

I had an absolute blast at the wedding. Even with a few mishaps, the night was a dream. In fact, my daughter told me that on the honeymoon she and her husband asked one another if they thought they had more fun, or me?! All I know is it took at least a week for me to come off my high!

Happy planning from a One & Done MOB. What a delightful breeze Mother of the Groom will be!